I Was Seen

Yesterday, two women walked toward me on the trail behind our home.

I made eye contact and smiled. Lately I'd made a pact to do that with everyone I passed.

They'd both been my professors, back in college. One I'd already reconnected with a month ago. We run together now. The other, I hadn't seen in years.

I started to say, "I don't know if you remember me, I took a course with you senior year. Advanced calc, maybe…"

She blurted out, "Ohhh Sanji! You were with…" and named a friend of mine from that class.

Sixteen years since I saw her last. She teaches classes of 170 students now, and she still remembers my name.

Somewhere along the way, between moving up to Boston, working remotely full-time, and living through a pandemic, I had become the person who did not make eye contact with strangers, and certainly wasn't the one to initiate it. Even though I'm also the person who absolutely demands eye contact with my husband when I'm talking to him.

These days, so many people I love have been carrying something heavy. Anxiety. Overwhelm. A quiet loneliness that doesn't always have a name. So I've spent the last few months thinking and reading a lot about connection, and started experimenting for myself.

I re-read parts of Marissa King's Social Chemistry. She writes about how a brief interaction with a barista, or a glance and a smile from someone as you walk down the street, can make people happier, largely because they feel a stronger sense of belonging.

So the very next time I went for a run, I made my pact: not just eye contact, but a smile and a wave, every single time I saw someone. I've kept it on every run and walk since. And the joy it's brought me is truly something that has brought awe and wonder into my life.

Call it kismet, but that one small pact reconnected me with a professor I now run with, and brought me back to a classmate I hadn't spoken to in years.

Sawubona. A traditional Zulu greeting that translates to "I see you." I first learned about Sawubona during my coach training, and it's the most important thing I walked away with. The sense of connection between two people. To say: all my attention is with you.

All I did was make eye contact and wave. I didn't expect to be the one who felt seen.